


In Making a Detective

by Leloi



Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: Character Study, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-13
Updated: 2013-09-13
Packaged: 2017-12-26 11:38:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,225
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/965499
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Leloi/pseuds/Leloi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A series of stories set at different points in Sherlock's childhood with the repercussions on his present life... told in four parts.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. In Making a Detective

**Author's Note:**

> I originally posted this to AFF in January 2011. Recently I went through my hard drive to find out what I had... and this popped up. It's not here yet... so enjoy!
> 
> Warning: There is sex in later chapters... and drug use.

John was eleven and that was a perfectly thrilling age to be. He could walk to the corner store by himself and buy an ice lolli during the height of summer. School would start again soon but for now he was free to do as he pleased… and he it pleased him very much to go get something cold to cool him down.

There was a sound in the bushes and he cocked his light blond hair to the side, listening. Perhaps it was a cat or a dog. A lost dog might mean some sort of adventure. “Hello?” John called cautiously into the bush.

It wasn’t a dog. It was a little boy. A small boy that looked to be five or six with wildly curly dark hair crawled out from under the bush and stared up at him expectantly with big grey eyes. The little boy sniffled and rubbed the back of his hand against his nose. Red rimmed eyes showed that he had been crying.

“Oh… are you lost?” John asked, kneeling down on the sidewalk in front of the boy.

The child nodded, his eyes fastening to John’s ice lolli.

“Do you want some?” John grinned and broke it, giving the small child half. “I’m John. What’s your name?”

The boy stared at John, sucking the color out of the ice, he shook his head silently.

“Don’t have a name? That’s alright.” John stood up and looked around. “Which way is your mum and dad?”

“Lost Crofty…” The boy muttered. 

“Crofty? Who’s Crofty?” John looked puzzled. “Alright… did you come from this direction?” John pointed arbitrarily.

The little boy shook his head.

“How about in this direction? There’s a park over there.”

The boy thought about it for a time, continuing to suck the flavor out of the ice. Finally he nodded. “Crofty park…”

John took the boy’s hand and led him towards the park. The boy’s hand was sticky from the melting treat but he paid it no mind. He was on a mission! Like a hero! They made their way and John tried to put the boy at ease by pointing out landmarks. “That’s the place I fell of my bicycle last summer… I skinned my knees. Mum was so worried. Over there is where Harry and I fought off the angry horde of pirates… the fence was our ship. The horde was some kids in Harry’s class.”

The boy didn’t reply but did look where John pointed. He dropped pieces of the ice as he went, not really caring… most of the sweetness had been sucked away anyway.

“And over there is where… hello? Someone is running towards us. Do you think he’s a giant?”

The boy dropped the stick from the ice lolli and smiled up at John. “Crofty!”

“Crofty?” John echoed, looking at the older boy who was running towards them with a flushed face. 

“Oh thank god you found him! Sherlock! Sherlock come here! Father is going to be so angry. Mummy is worried sick! Where have you been?” Crofty demanded.

“I found him in a bush.” John replied, passing the child’s hand to the other boy. 

Crofty gasped for breath, bending down to clutch his knees. “Thought I lost him… He’s so much easier to find in the country. Here in the city he’s…” The elder boy stood up and wiped his cheeks with the back of his hand. “Thank you for finding him.”

“You’re welcome.” John smiled. 

^.~

“So no…” John finished his story. “You’re not the first Sherlock I’ve ever met.” He leaned back in his chair.

Sherlock stared at John a moment and then threw back his head to laugh. “You dolt! Crofty? That was what I called Mycroft when I was child because I couldn’t say his name properly.”

“That was Mycroft? And you?” John paled.

“I used to chase the ducks back home… but when we had to go to the city…” Sherlock wiped tears of laughter away. “I got horribly lost. You gave me part of your ice lolli?”

“Yes. You enjoyed it.” John replied, chuckling a bit. “So… Crofty… I wonder if he’s heard that lately…”

Sherlock grinned, his eyes twinkling in amusement. “I shouldn’t… but I think I will. I’ll have to remind him what a pain I was as a child.”

“You were a delightful child… with sticky hands.”

“I was shy. But I could be really naughty. I still can.” Sherlock winked at his friend.

“Mycroft won’t thank me for sparking your memory.” John sighed.

\--TBC


	2. Birthdays

It was a perfectly dreary January evening when Mycroft pulled his younger brother from his small flat and out into the city for a birthday celebration. Sherlock was less than thrilled. A great many days had been spent cooped up in the tiny one bedroom place his parents paid for as he attended the university.

Of course it had been at his own insistence since the fellows at his dorm were growing increasingly difficult to live with. Their jibes and teasing just furthered to blacken Sherlock’s ever darkening mood. In privacy there was the sweet release of all reason with artificial stimuli without getting caught.

“I don’t want to be here.” Sherlock grumbled, his eyes dully staring at the ale foaming on the table before him.

“Of course you don’t. You’ve grown increasingly solitary since last quarter. What is up with that?” Mycroft asked, taking a sip of his own ale.

Sherlock shrugged silently, placing his finger in the foam and watching the bubbles burst around his fingertip.

“And yet your test scores are high. But your participation grades are low.”

“You’ve been reading my scholastic files again?” Casually the younger man flicked foam from his finger.

“Father and mummy are rather worried about you.”

“No they’re not.” Sherlock responded quietly, sucking his finger. With a sigh he ran his hands through his tangled curls and held them for a moment at the back of his neck as if they were in a ponytail.

“How can you say that?”

“They’re more interested in themselves and their separation than they are with me.” Releasing his hair he rested his cheek on his hand. “And even before that they just didn’t care. They don’t care so I don’t care.”

“They are our parents, Sherlock.”

“Yes. And I’m reminded often how I was a last chance effort on mummy’s part to win back father’s love and keep him from wandering away with his secretary.”

“Hush!” Mycroft hissed, casting his brother a bitter look.

“It’s safe to say I’m a shameful disappointment.”

Mycroft closed his eyes and leaned back a bit. “You aren’t a disappointment to me. Shouldn’t that count for something, Sherlock? You’re a brilliant young man who can do anything you set your mind to. Do you need help? Support? I’ll take care of it, I always have.”

“I just…” Rubbing his face in his hands Sherlock growled. “I just can’t get my mind to stop! It’s whirling around and around and I pick up on the minute details. I think I’m going insane. The only think that stops it are the drugs. I can’t control it. I can’t sleep and… I feel like I’m slipping away into the void.”

“Oh lord, Sherlock. Why didn’t you tell me?”

“And those guys in the dorm… they just kept saying ‘drink more’ and ‘get laid.’ They have no idea what it’s like.”

“I’m finding that a healthy sex life does help with our family’s personal brand of insanity.” Mycroft smiled, trying to lighten the mood.

“I’m serious.”

“And so am I!” Leaning into his brother he spoke quietly. “If that’s what you want for your birthday I’ll get you someone… female… male… both. Just let me know.”

“No!” Sherlock replied, moving further away from his brother.

“Is it that you have no interest or that you’re afraid of something?”

“They just don’t… understand. I don’t think they ever will. I’ll always be an outsider because they can’t relate… and I can’t control myself. It’s just better if I… block all that.” Sherlock bit his lips for a moment and then took a large gulp of his beer.

Mycroft sighed, staring at his brother with sadness. “Someday, Sherlock… someday you’ll find someone who understands you and knows how special you are. You won’t feel like an outsider around them. And you WILL learn to control your gift. I did… and you can too.”

“Are you suggesting that someone is you?” Sherlock asked, rolling his eyes.

“I do understand you… but I meant someone outside of our family.” Mycroft raised his glass. “Happy 21st Birthday, Sherlock.”

“It won’t happen.” But Sherlock raised his glass anyway and clinked it against his brother’s.

Fourteen years later…

“Make a wish.” John smiled, holding a fairy cake with a single lit candle atop it.

Sherlock couldn’t help but smile at the simple friendly gesture. His eyes lingered a moment on John’s face, taking in the twinkle of his eyes. There was a hint of pain there. John’s body was tough but there was still a hint of sadness in his soul left over from his time in the war. His dreams were haunted by dying comrades and yet he still smiled. Sherlock often thought on that. Occasionally he heard John’s night terrors. But his John was a survivor.

Closing his eyes he made a quick wish and blew out the candle.

“I hope it comes true.” John passed the small cake to Sherlock and casually licked the frosting that had caught on his finger.

“It already has.”

“Then why make the same wish?”

“So it will continue to be true.” Sherlock offered half of his cake to his friend. 

\--TBC

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For some reason this fic got lost off my HD. Luckily I had posted it elsewhere... which means the formatting might be a bit wonky.


	3. Craving Intimacy

The time around puberty had been the most awkward for Sherlock. It was the time of a great many changes as well as his own body betraying him. It was one thing to have his voice change and his height shoot up around two feet. It was quite another to have nocturnal problems. 

“It’s normal.” Mycroft had told him.

But his brother did not understand that Sherlock wanted no part in what his body was doing. It was a waste of energy. Many times he told himself that he was purely a cerebral creature, not a physical one.

Now that he was grown and there were actual people in his life, things had begun to complicate.

The nocturnal dreams had return. Faceless people writhed and coupled with him in carnal pleasures he had never experienced. As of late more often than not the faceless would resolve into a face he was now familiar with, always at the end. It often made him blush to think of John in such a way, and yet there it was. He couldn’t un-think it, but he did his best to ignore it. But it was a struggle of many restless nights.

Besides John fancied himself to be straight, although Sherlock could tell from lingering glances otherwise. Late night sounds told Sherlock that John wasn’t as repressed with his body as the detective was with his own. The doctor spent many a lonely night with only his hand for company, even though he claimed to be dating a female.

With a sigh Sherlock entered the bathroom where John was taking a shower. Casually he drew back the curtain to watch John rinse his hair. Two men living together over enough time would eventually intrude on one another’s privacy and Sherlock wasn’t the most modest person. Indeed he scoffed at many ideas for social boundaries, especially when it came to his flat mate. What was a computer, a toothbrush or even a pair of underwear between friends?

“John?”

John gave out a small cry of surprise before finishing his rinse and blinking open his eyes. “What? You startled me!” And where was the doctor’s modesty? No movement to cover himself as he had in the beginning of their domestic life when Sherlock looked in on him in the shower. “What do you want?”

Sherlock waved his hand in a gesture of “hurry up” before waiting for John to finish.

The water turned off and John reached out for a towel that Sherlock graciously handed to him. “Why did you have to interrupt my shower? Couldn’t it have waited until I was done?”

“I am waiting for you to be done.” Sherlock replied simply. “I have a favor to ask of you.”

John finished toweling off his hair. “What now?” 

“I want to have sex.”

John stopped drying off and froze. “You want to what? With whom?” 

“I want sex with you, of course.”

“Why me, of course?” John demanded, wrapping the towel around his waist.

“You are my only real friend.” Sherlock stated. “If not you then who? You would have me beg a stranger? No thank you. I would prefer it to be with someone I’m comfortable with. You. Also I know what you do upstairs at night with your right hand. Wouldn’t it be better with a partner?”

“So you suddenly decide that I’m the one to satisfy your craving?” John retorted valiantly. Crossing his arms over his chest, he stared at Sherlock with a hard look. 

“If the idea of being with me sickens you so much…” Sherlock stared at the floor helplessly. 

John sighed and rubbed his face. “It’s not that.” Taking a deep breath he reached out and touched Sherlock’s arm amiably. “How far do you want to go?”

Sherlock smiled at John but he was full of confusion. To be honest he hadn’t really thought that far ahead. In his dreams the acts itself were always so vague. “I don’t know. I’ve never done this before.”

John gaped at him. “You’re a… virgin?”

Sherlock winced at John’s look. “Is that a problem?”

“And you want it with… me?”

“Who else could it be? I know you won’t hurt me. We’re friends. You like me.” For a moment Sherlock felt desperate, fearing John’s rejection. “Whatever you want to do with me… please?” Often John responded when a “please” was tagged on to his request. “I want to experience it at least once.”

John took a step forward and reached out to touch Sherlock’s cheek. Quickly he moved in and pressed his lips against the younger man’s lips. Sherlock was surprised and couldn’t respond. Never had he been kissed. But then John’s tongue brushed his lip and he opened his mouth to the invasion. It felt good. A warm giddiness washed over him. His own hands reached for John’s neck, gingerly wrapping his arms there to keep John in place as he explored kissing.

John pulled his lips away. “You must know something, Sherlock… when two men have sex it hurts.”

“I think I’ve heard about that…” Sherlock mumbled, trying to capture John’s lips again. “But I trust you won’t hurt me any more than you have to.” Again he tried to take John’s lips but John pulled away.

“And you must know that I’m an affectionate lover. Kissing, touching, holding… you may think it’s unnecessary but…”

Sherlock rolled his eyes, irritated with the interruptions with excuses. “I’ve already considered that! Just get on with it.”

John stared at him in stony silence, arms crossed over his chest. Sherlock frowned back. His hands returned to where they were around John’s neck, pulling him close and resuming the kissing. His own tongue pushed into John’s mouth, invading him, tasting him. John melted just a bit.

“I want you.” Sherlock breathed.

“We should probably go to your bedroom.” John replied as he reached into the medicine cabinet for Vaseline.

Sherlock led the way, unbuttoning his shirt as he went. His clothes made a trail to his room and he turned around to greet John, naked at the door. His arms caught the doctor and refused to let go, shutting the door with his foot and locking it before guiding them both towards the bed.

“Sherlock…” John managed between Sherlock’s eager kisses. “Can’t we go a little slower?”

“No.” Sherlock replied, pushing John down onto the bed. His hands tugged at the towel, trying to pull it away. With a quick tug it was off and he paused in his kissing to look down at John’s body. John’s face turned a lovely shade of red as Sherlock hesitantly reached down to touch his friend’s penis. It wasn’t nearly as erect as his own but it seemed to respond well to the gentle touch. In silence he ran his fingers over it, feeling it grow hard and hot. “I don’t know what to do.” 

John smiled at him, his eyes twinkling with amusement. “You’re doing pretty well so far. Want me to touch you the same way?”

“I’m afraid I’ll finish too soon.” Sherlock replied, his hand shifting to caress John’s hip and belly. 

“Here… you may as well try this now.” John lubed up his fingers and sat up, reaching down between Sherlock’s legs. His digits lightly caressed the taint. “I’ll stop when you ask me to. I’ve never done this without examining gloves.” Carefully he slipped a fingertip into Sherlock. 

Sherlock gasped in surprise and closed his eyes to steady himself at John’s intrusion. “Keep going…” 

John chuckled, resting his cheek against Sherlock’s shoulder. “Who knew my proctology rotation would come in handy for this. Keep breathing.”

Sherlock nodded and forced himself to breath, feeling John’s finger intrude deeper. It wiggled a bit reaching inside for something he wasn’t sure what. And in a moment John found it. Sherlock moaned, body feeling like jelly as he leaned heavily against John for support. 

John added a second finger, gently stretching. “If you were to sleep with a man, this is what he would do to you to prepare you for his entering you. Stretch you out so it won’t hurt. How does it feel?”

Sherlock nodded against John’s shoulder. “What are you touching in there?”

“Your prostate. Do you want me to stop?”

“We’re having sex right now?”

“Not exactly… want me to replace my fingers with something else?” John whispered, kissing Sherlock’s ear.

Sherlock nodded silently. He felt himself in a sort of suspended animation waiting for the action to really begin. His body was tingling with excitement but he couldn’t get too carried away. After all this was a sort of experiment. It was a once in a lifetime experience he didn’t want to waste.

John coated his cock with lube and then gently guided Sherlock to sit down upon it. “Take as much time as you need.”

Sherlock pushed down in one movement, feeling himself impaled and full. But he was with John which did wonders to relax his nerves. John was safe… he wanted John, all of John. Leaning forward he kissed as deeply as he could, feeling his companion invade and claim his body. If he could do this… if he could satisfy his friend then maybe John would never wander away and leave him alone. “Fuck me… please…”

John rolled them over and took over the movements. His body arched and thrust, hinting at the wild desires contained within the man. Sherlock could only stare up in awe at the passion John felt in the moment. The doctor’s hands explored and teased. They caressed and Sherlock was having a hard time keeping himself from climaxing too soon. His own hands lightly explored the firm belly of the soldier in his bed, then the shoulder and its wound. John grimaced a bit at that. “Sherlock… shall I… pull out?”

Shocked Sherlock looked up at him. “No. Why?”

John didn’t answer in words. With a couple more thrusts he made a face of pure bliss and Sherlock felt something warm within him. It took him a moment to realize that John had ejaculated. 

The very idea sent a delicious tingle down the detective’s spine and he climaxed. His cum was heavy from lack of regular release. Sherlock wrapped his arms around his exhausted friend, pulling him down upon him as his lips kissed everywhere he could reach. “Don’t leave me… John, don’t leave me…” 

“I’m not.” John whispered, giving a small kiss as he rolled off and began wiping himself and Sherlock off with his towel. Casually he tossed the towel aside and rested his head against Sherlock’s shoulder. “I’m just cleaning us up. How do you feel?”

Sherlock stared at the ceiling, trying to label his feelings. For the first time in his life the calculating part of his brain that gave focus to every tiny detail was mute. All he could think of was how much he didn’t want the moment to end and for John to abandon him. 

“Sherlock, are you alright?” John looked up at him from his shoulder. 

Sherlock glanced down at his companion. “I can’t… analyze this.”

John chuckled and closed his eyes. “You’re not supposed to analyze it.”

“My brain is… silent for once. Relative silence for what it usually is doing.”

“Is that a problem?”

“All I can think about is you.”

“Well we just shared a very intimate moment… I should hope you’d give me some thought…”

“John do you have feelings for me?”

‘What? Shouldn’t that be evident from what we just did?”

“No… it isn’t. I told you my analytical part is silent right now.”

“I’d do anything for you.” John whispered, lightly touching Sherlock’s chest.

“But do you… love me?” 

“What is this all about, Sherlock?” 

“I don’t want to lose you.”

John lay there for a time, silent. Finally he scooted down in the bed, hidden under the blankets.

“Where are you going?” Sherlock asked sitting up a bit to look down at the John sized lump in his bed. In response something warm and soft engulfed his cock. “Shit!” Sherlock gasped, lying back down on the bed. Blood rushed down to the organ and he felt himself harden as John used his tongue to bring back the passion he had felt during sex. Once upon a time Sherlock had taunted Donovan for being in the same position as John. It wasn’t funny. 

John’s hands found his scrotum and began to play with the contents. Helplessly Sherlock pushed his hips up against John’s face, urging him take his organ deeper. His body wanted to thrust, to bury itself within John and become a part of him. His fingers reached down and held John’s head as he tried to take control of the movements. Finally it rolled over him and he felt himself expel into John’s mouth.

John didn’t choke. After a moment he licked the detective clean and crawled back up his partner’s body. “You were saying?”

“I forgot what I was talking about.” Sherlock breathed. 

John smiled, amused that he had rendered Sherlock speechless. “I love you Sherlock.”

Sherlock closed his eyes. The words unexpectedly brought tears to his eyes. It was the first time hearing such an utterance from anyone. A life alone as if waiting for that special someone Mycroft had promised would appear. The lost, strange little boy had been found. Sherlock wrapped his arms around John and held him close. He was found. Sherlock was at peace.

\--TBC


	4. Reassurance

“Someone called in the freak?” Donovan stared at Sherlock’s approach to Lestrade’s office.

“Yeah… the freak.” Anderson echoed, standing fairly close Donovan.

Sherlock scowled at the pair of them. “Oh look! It’s the biggest dick in Scotland Yard. No wonder Donovan keeps you around.”

“Jealous?” Donovan asked, defensively crossing her arms over her chest.

“Of what? Jealous of your need for the largest dick head to bang you every night?”

“He’s more man than you will ever be. You’ve never satisfied anyone and you never will!” Donovan sneered.

“Stand down, Donovan!” Lestrade called from through the doorway.

Sherlock stopped in his tracks, staring for a moment at Lestrade who had just stepped out of his office. “You know… I don’t think you need me today.” Turning on one foot, he headed back towards the lifts.

John stood, facing the detectives. He had been following Sherlock on his errand to Lestrade’s office. “Um…” Three pairs of eyes stared at him.

Lestrade ran his hand through his hair. “I really do need him, John. I’ll get these two back in line if you can talk to Sherlock.”

John nodded for a moment. “I’ll do that.” Finally he turned and gave chase to his partner. Sherlock wasn’t in the lobby of Scotland Yard as John had hoped… he was out on the street, hailing a cab. The cab pulled up just as John got there. For a moment he wondered if Sherlock in his misery would have left him behind.

John sat inside the cab, staring out the window at the passing buildings. “Lestrade really does need you.”

“I’m sure he does.” Sherlock replied, staring out of his own window.

“You can’t let them get to you like that.”

“Contrary to your blog I do have weaknesses. I am not superman.”

They rode in silence until the cab pulled up to Baker Street. Sherlock paid the fair and waited on the sidewalk for John to emerge from the cab before opening the door to their place. John charged up the stairs, keeping pace with Sherlock as they entered the flat together and shut the door behind them. In the privacy of their own rooms, John sighed, sitting heavily in his chair before the fireplace. “Sherlock… you CAN satisfy if that’s what’s bothering you.”

“I know I can.” Sherlock replied a bit too quickly as he lingered by the mantel. 

“Do you? Because it seems that was the comment that made you turn down involvement in a murder case. I know how much you enjoy murder cases… so to walk away from one because someone pressed your buttons about your abilities to sexually satisfy someone makes it seem you’re a tad bit unsure about said abilities. I’m telling you that you can and you do, so don’t worry about it.”

“Maybe you’re just saying that to spare my feelings.” Sherlock mumbled.

John pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes and leaned back against the back of his chair. “Why would I just be saying that? You don’t think I know how my own body feels?”

“I’m no woman.”

“You don’t have to BE a woman to satisfy me, Sherlock. I love you the way you are!”

Sherlock continued to sulk at the fireplace, an insecure, wounded man just at the very beginning of his sexual experience, still unsure of himself and tormented by many years of being the lonely outsider. 

John stared at him for a time before standing up. “Come along. Let’s go to bed.”

“But it’s still morning…” Sherlock protested, looking at John in confusion.

John raised an eyebrow at him. “Not to sleep.” Reaching out his hand, he waited for Sherlock to take it. Sherlock did and allowed himself to be led back to their bedroom. 

John had moved into the bedroom after their first time. The doctor still kept a room upstairs for his personal things because there was too much stuff in Sherlock’s bedroom. Also the extra bed came in handy when Sherlock was too busy to sleep and wandered around instead. Unlike Sherlock, John needed sleep so it was nice to have a place to go when such a night occurred. But overall they slept in the same bed now that they were lovers.

John guided Sherlock to the bed, closing and locking the door on the way in. Carefully he undressed the detective, placing the discarded clothing on a nearby chair before pushing a naked Sherlock down onto the bed. “Roll over.” The doctor commanded. Sherlock obeyed.

John quickly undressed and sat, straddling Sherlock’s hips. His hands massaged Sherlock’s spine and neck before working on the shoulders. “You are upset… your muscles are tight.”

“I’m always like that.” Sherlock replied, muttering to the pillow.

“You can’t let them get to you.” John chided, working out the tension in Sherlock’s back. “How can you doubt your abilities? I’m satisfied. I’m very satisfied. Isn’t the frequency of our love making enough to convince you of my satisfaction with you? I’ve never had so much sex in my life!” Leaning forward, John kissed Sherlock’s back. “And I love every minute of it.”

Sherlock managed to turn over so he could face John, receiving a kiss on his lips for the effort. “Or maybe… it’s because I’m not enough for you.” His insecurities crept into his voice.

John lay down, covering his lover. “Nothing thrills me more than being a part of your life. Following you in your adventures… watching you orgasm, talking to you, even when you drive me nuts or make me mad. I want to be a part of your life. I want to know all about you and have you know me.” John kissed again, fully. “I hope you want to be part of my life as well.”

Sherlock wrapped his arms around John’s back, holding him close. The ache had returned, along with the fear of losing something so precious to him. “I do.” Sherlock breathed in John’s scent. Already he was aroused. 

“What position would you like, Sherlock?” John whispered.

“I don’t care.” Sherlock responded. “Surprise me.”

John reached out for the lube on the bedside table. A generous amount was smoothed onto Sherlock’s cock. John always seemed to have some difficulty taking him, whether that was Sherlock’s size or John’s inexperience, the detective didn’t know. Always he watched in awe as John eased down onto him. “You’re big.” John smiled, easing up and back down again, trying to get his body used to Sherlock’s. 

“Am I?”

“Above average, in fact.” John nodded. “It’s a tight fit.”

“Imagine that.” Sherlock replied, resting his hands on John’s thighs. Really he wanted to thrust up against John but he waited, knowing that would hurt. “Why is it, then that you insist on my being inside of you? I’m perfectly happy the other way.”

“Don’t be silly… I want you to feel good too.” John’s rhythm picked up and he rocked over Sherlock.

“Maybe this is why I don’t think I can satisfy you… it seems to pain you so much.” Sherlock pushed up fully, enjoying his intrusion into John’s body. Their first time they took this position John could barely relax and it was rather disturbing to be on the receiving end of something so pleasurable when his beloved John was in pain.

“I just have to get used to it.” John bit his lip. “It’s part of being in love with a man.” His movements increased, signaling that his body was pliant and ready. “I’m ready.”

Sherlock rolled them over. His appetite had been whetted and he was hungry for more. His thrusts became powerful with each stroke. Mindlessly he kissed, the hot, hungry mouth he tasted was everything to him in that moment. Their bodies crashed together. Sherlock was not a gentle lover there was always a hunger to him when he was on top. A passionate need born of his lifelong ache as if his body feared that this would be the last encounter filled him. And it was John beneath him, his own dearest friend and companion… the man he would die for if he had to. His love was fierce, it was no wonder that he kept his heart bottled up for fear it would destroy those around him. All at once his body exploded and he felt his own heartbeat buried deep within John where it was safe. Pulling out he kissed John again before crawling down the doctor’s body.

“You’re very passionate today…” John mused, lifting his knees and looking down at Sherlock between them. Sherlock made eye contact with him for just a moment before he swallowed his cock. John closed his eyes and wrapped his fingers in Sherlock’s hair. “I like it when you ravish me… I feel like I’m well and truly yours.”

Sherlock sucked and teased. His own techniques were a variation on John’s who had taught him how best to suck on a cock. It felt good to be in control and have his face buried somewhere no one else was allowed to go. His fingers explored the orifice he had just vacated, feeling John tighten slightly on him. John was his to explore and tease. The tell tale sign of John’s approaching orgasm was soon evident. Closing his eyes, he sucked just a little harder, rolling his tongue around the tip as John’s seed escaped into his mouth. Swallowing, Sherlock continued to lick and suck to clean John off then he climbed back up his lover to rest beside him.

John kissed him, wrapping his arms around his detective protectively. “I love you, Sherlock. I want you to be happy.”

Sherlock returned the embrace, gently running his fingers down John’s spine. “I am happy.”

“Then why are you so tense?”

“I’m afraid that happiness will end.”

John froze a moment and then looked up at his lover. “Why would it end?”

“I might lose you. You’ll die or… you’ll lose interest in me. I don’t think you need me as much as I need you.”

John lay his head back down on Sherlock’s shoulder. “I’ll be here as long as you need me. You have my heart, my soul.” John knew how delicate Sherlock’s heart was. Mycroft had told him.

^.~

Mycroft regarded the slightly younger man who sat in his office. “I think you know why I’ve asked you to come. You’ve started to sleep with my brother.”

“How can you possibly know that?” John asked, frowning slightly.

“I am the more astute Holmes.”

“So… what?”

“Did you give in to him with your own free will?”

“Of course I did.”

“And you find him attractive?”

“Yes.”

“Do you love him, doctor?”

John gaped at Mycroft. “Why are you asking me these questions? Is my relationship with Sherlock really all that interesting to you?”

“I asked you before when you first moved in with him what your intentions were for him. I see that I was a bit premature with that talk… and a bit too late with this one. The damage you may have caused him would be…”

“Why would I cause him damage? Yes, fine! If you must know I am in love with him. How else would I have agreed to do what I did with him? I’m not some bastard who runs from bed to bed. It has to MEAN something to me. I love him, Mycroft. He may not love me but I love him.”

“My brother is very special. He’s never given his heart to anyone. I fear that if he did and it was broken it may destroy him. There’s no telling what he’d do… he could easily turn into a Moriarty. Do you understand? For the first time in his life he’s opened up to someone and he’s chosen you. This isn’t a game, John. If you love him, love him and then guard his heart. He’s delicate and capable of a great many things. Good things or terrible things, that’s completely up to you. Do you understand? Are you up for that responsibility?”

“I love your brother.” John responded simply. “He may break my heart, but I won’t break his.”

Mycroft regarded John for some time. “I suppose that will do. You’ve shown fierce loyalty to him for these past few years, even with the Sarah incident. I commend you for that.”

John frowned a bit. Sarah’s death was still an open wound. Moriarty had been a very sick man who derived sick pleasure from horrible things. One of which had caused the death of an innocent friend. Guilt racked John’s soul for getting her involved.

“It wasn’t your fault, John.” Mycroft showed that he too had the ability to read John’s mind. “But even through your pain of loss you still managed to keep your head cool. You lost the battle but you won the war… and Moriarty is gone because of it. I thank you for that most sincerely.”

John bowed his head, trying valiantly to hold back his emotions.

“I’m very sorry for your loss.” Mycroft whispered. “I shouldn’t have mentioned it.”

“It’s… alright.” John answered, meeting Mycroft’s eyes again. “It doesn’t affect my love for Sherlock.”

“Bless you.” Mycroft smiled.

^.~

John watched Sherlock towel off after their showers. John was already dressed. The detective took longer in his post coital grooming. “So what do you have planned for this afternoon?” John asked casually.

“If you’re not busy could you come with me to Scotland Yard?” Sherlock asked.

“I hear that Lestrade could use your advice on a murder case.” 

“It should be interesting.”

John smiled and wrapped his arms around his damp lover. “I’m there for you, Sherlock. Always. Even when you say you don’t need me.” 

Sherlock smiled and hugged John close. “I know.”

“Are you ready to face Anderson and Donovan?” John whispered.

Sherlock nodded.

“And remember… you are the biggest dick of them all.”

“I am, am I?” Sherlock chuckled.

“But you’re all mine.” John kissed his cheek. “Hurry up and get dressed before I ravish you again.”

Still chuckling, Sherlock went back to their room to dress. “When we get back…”

John watched him go with a smile.

\--Fini


End file.
